Financial Agreement

I've asked permission to share a dear friend's story, so here it is:

My friend has been married for 20-something years.  She is married to a good man, and they have BEAUTIFUL children and grandchildren.  From the outside looking in, they have a fabulous marriage with limited problems.... but that's not the case.  A few years back, my friend had to close a business in which she had invested several thousand dollars.  The husband, afraid of being dragged down with her, proclaimed his financial independence.  He said, "you're on your own".

Point 1:  In a marriage, there is no "on your own".

So she had to open her own bank account and make her own money.  For years she has not had a husband to help her financially.  Now more present, a situation has come about (by no fault of this self-sacrificing, all-giving woman) that requires her to hire a lawyer.  When it first came up, her husband said, once again, "you're on your own".  He just doesn't have time for this nonsense.

Point 2:  You must always make time for your spouse when they are in need.

The husband has minor surgery coming up, and will not be able to work for a little while.  When this came up, he said to my friend, "I'm going to need you to support me for a few months while I rest."  It's hard to imagine the kind of humility one has to have to not say "Excuse me?!  You have left me financially responsible for myself for years and now you want me to help you?!"  But, although she has some hard feelings, she knows it is in the interest of their marriage to do what she can.

Point 3:  Self-sacrifice is sometimes necessary.

Hello Again

I spent the weekend in the mountains with my family and wonderful husband, so I didn't have access to the computer.  Pardon me.

But it's a brand new week and I want to address, again, the topic of physical intimacy.  I know a couple who never showed affection.  Holding hands was a rarity, let alone intimacy in the bedroom.  In fact, things got so cold that the husband ended up sleeping downstairs most nights.  He wanted to share that kind of a relationship with his wife, but she just "wasn't raised to be that way".  Her parents were the same way.  Her parents lived with it.... this couple, however, did not.  They are now divorced.  There were other factors, of course, but the truth of the matter is that a marriage cannot thrive when the relationship is no more than two people living in the same house.  I cannot stress enough the importance of this part of marriage!!!  IT IS SOOOOOOO IMPORTANT!!!!!  If you were raised in a home where affection was limited, recognize a need for change in your own home.  Parents want us to grow up to be better than them, so even if they did show that affection, make an effort to show more.  No need to be inappropriate, but let your spouse know that you are attracted to them... and let your children see an appropriate amount of that affection.  A child wants to know that their parents are happy.  So show them.

How to "Fight"

How do you fight?  When a disagreement arises, how do you handle it?  I'll tell you one thing:  You'd better not yell.  Has a fight ever been solved, peace ever been attained, by screaming at each other?  No.  Even when the screaming ends and you go your separate ways, you haven't resolved anything.  It's just been put off until the next time.... and there WILL be a next time.

I am astounded at how many couples have a problem with this.  And the biggest part of the problem?  They don't realize it's wrong!!  Most of us are outwardly patient with almost everyone around us, and yet, when it comes to our family, we snap at the littlest things.  We've talked about patience, but let me just reiterate... BE PATIENT.  However, just because we're keeping a cool head, it doesn't mean that we're going to agree on everything... we just handle it better.  So when you disagree, here's what you do:

1. Hold hands.  It seems like a tough thing to be affectionate when you're upset with each other, but it works.  It helps to ease the tension and remind you that you love this person.


2. Remember you love this person!  This is the love of your life. If you're going to forgive anyone, shouldn't it be them?


3. Talk at a reasonable tone.  Do NOT yell.  You wouldn't yell at a stranger, so how dare you scream at the one person who is always there for you!


4. Discuss the problem.  Explain to your spouse the reason you are upset.  Be clear and descriptive, but not offensive.


5. Come up with a solution.  The discussion will be for nothing if you don't decide on a fix.  So agree to work together to solve the problem, and stick to it.  Try your hardest to please the other... Remember that we are giving 100%.

If this is the formula you use, you will be able to say truthfully that you never fight.  This isn't a fight.  It's a conversation that comes from love, and the topic is "how can we strengthen our marriage?"  When peace reigns in the home, our intimacy grows  --  Every bit of it.

Brief Message About Sex

Getting on the same page, sexually, can be a challenge.  But it's a special and sacred thing within the bonds of matrimony and should be explored and improved!  Talk to each other.  It might be awkward at first, but it is so important to discuss each other's likes and dislikes, things you may crave or making clear things that you will NEVER want to try... these all factor in to attaining a satisfying sex life.  So in this short message, that is what I hope you take away.  Don't be afraid to let your spouse know what you want.

The Family: A Proclamation to the Family

Today I'm going to let someone else do the talking.  From the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.


WWW.LDS.ORG

Quality Time

Yesterday was my anniversary (<3) so please excuse my absence.  I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day.

Let's talk about quality time...

To strengthen the intimacy in marriage, it's important that you spend time together.  That's obvious, isn't it?  You'd think so.  Unfortunately there are a lot of couples who think that their marriage will thrive, even if they don't make time for each other and share each other's interests.  Interests are a biggy.  My husband, for example, is a HUGE sports fan.  Before I met him I didn't really care at all about those things.  However, I want to share those things, so I have taken an interest.  And you know what?  It's awesome.  I like sports a lot, but most of all I love that we have something new to talk about.  We have something we can do together, and I'm not dragging my feet.  I make him feel like I care (which I do).  I know it can be hard.  We often resist new things, but it can open a whole new world to us!  And find NEW hobbies!  Start new traditions and activities together.  It brings you so close, and you wouldn't want them to find someone else to share all their passions with, would you?

Taking an interest  <3  Best husband ever.

Loving Yourself

I recently watched an interview with Miley Cyrus.  She mentioned that she had been hanging out with some girlfriends and they were talking about boys and she said that most of them "base their worth on the sexual favors they can do for a man."  How sad.  That sparked an interest, so not only are we going to talk about sexual intimacy today, but also about the personal emotional intimacy that we must feel with ourselves.

Physical intimacy is something we are all entitled to, but that doesn't mean we get to take advantage of our partner's body.  Sex isn't supposed to be something we dread, so if one of you is not in the mood, don't force it.  As women, we need to feel confident that if we say "no" every once in a while, our husbands will not stop loving us.  As men, you must learn that just because we aren't ready to go it doesn't reflect poorly on you.  Sometimes no just means later, not "I never wanna have sex with you again!"

It is important to be confident.  We must be self-assured and comfortable with ourselves if we are to be happy.... because how can you be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself?  Girls, you have so much more to offer than your bodies.  Guys, the world doesn't revolve around sex and you have to know that you've got a lot more going for you.  Be secure.  Practice affirmations like:  "I am worthy of love," or "I am equal to my spouse."  Remember that the relationship you build with yourself is worth everything and that having a happy marriage is dependent upon love all around.