Loving Extended Family

My Wonderful In-Laws... No, really!!! <3

In-laws.  For some of you, that could be the end of this post and you would just nod your head and say "amen"...  But it's not that simple.  It's common to not get along with the in-laws, but not the rule.  How do we become the exception?  First of all, recognize that those people raised this person you fell in love with.  If you love what they created, can they really be all that bad?  (That's just something you can tell yourself.)  That being said, parents can become a big frustration.  But them becoming a frustration is what we want to avoid!  Respect is the key.  It's often the case that someone will come into our lives that we think does not deserve our respect.  If this happens to be one or both of your in-laws, try very hard to find one thing about them that is respectable.  That can be hard, depending upon the individual, but it is possible.

Sometimes they are intrusive.  Can this be helped?  Yes.  As long as there is open communication and boundaries are set.  We need to be honest with each other, and when something arrises that makes one uncomfortable or upset we need to help the other be aware.... Just remember that is must come from a place of love.

Now, I've seen circumstances in which even communication doesn't help because one side is not open to communication (or not willing to accept that their opinions about how someone else's marriage should be operated are not law).  When this is the case, what can you do?  Well, if someone tries to come between you and your spouse, you would cut them out, wouldn't you?  I'm not saying you should cut off your in-laws for just any reason.... but sometime, when, for instance, there is a conflict between in-laws that is beginning to cause serious problems in your marriage, drastic measures are needed.  Two examples from the New Testament come to mind:

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee... 

-Matthew 18:9


and

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 

-Mark 10:7-9

In reference to the first scripture, let's not take advantage here and say "well my mother-in-law said I'm a terrible cook and it hurt my feelings.  Cast her out!"  We're talking about something serious, and it should handled with the utmost care and consideration.

In reference to the second, when we marry we are no longer our parents' child, but our spouse's spouse.  This is the second most important relationship we have in this life, just below our relationship to God.  We must make every effort to have peace in our families so our marriages can thrive.

I love my husband.  And I love my in-laws!  I have a special relationship with them and am forever grateful for the blessings they have brought to my life.  I hope everyone can work at these things and have a feeling of love in their hearts for those who ought to be closest to them.

Patience

Marriage is work.  We all know how it goes..... Maybe one of you is a clean freak and hates to see a dirty sock lying NEXT to the hamper instead of in it.  There are a lot of scenarios like this one, so I won't list them off.  You know what they are.  The point is, generally these things are barely worth mentioning on the scale of importance.  Patience is a key principle in marriage and we would all benefit if we practiced it a little more.  Often our patience is tested by things we later recognize as.... stupid.  For instance, let me share a story with you that paints a perfect picture of what I'm talking about:

A woman had her kitchen organized just the way she liked.  She usually did the cooking and the cleaning, fulfilling her wifely duties as a happy little homemaker.  Her husband, often busy with work and school, decided to be helpful.  What a kind thought, to do the dishes for his wonderful wife.  He first unloaded the dishwasher.  He put the plates and cups in one cupboard, the pots and pans under the stove, and the silverware in the drawer.  (Do you know where this is going?)  He put the cutting board in the cabinet above the sink, along with the liquid measuring cups and mixing bowls.  Then he preceded to load.  He put the bowls and cups on top, the plates and big things on bottom, and the silverware all willy-nilly in the basket.  He started it and walked away, feeling very good about himself, happy to help his wife.

The next day, the woman is in the kitchen preparing to make a meal.  She takes out the vegetables, the knife, and..... wait.  Where's the cutting board?  She knows she put it in the dishwasher, so it should be in the cupboard below the counter.  She has to search the kitchen and finally finds it above the sink.  She says to her husband, "Why did you put this above the sink?!  It goes down here!  I hate having to search for things in my own kitchen!"

Never mind that the man had set aside the things he could have done for entertainment or relaxation.  Never mind that he thought he was doing her a favor.  How likely do you think it is that he will offer his services again, now that she has come across as ungrateful and naggy?

How do we better approach a situation like this?  When something is done in a way we would have done differently, it is always better to come across as grateful, understanding, and PATIENT.  She could have said, "Sweetheart, thank you so much for doing the dishes.  For future reference, the cutting board actually goes down here."  There are far too many people who jump down their loved ones' throats when a simple explanation is all it takes.  We have to be patient if we want our marriage to last.  Otherwise, we'll get angry one too many times and perhaps just throw in the towel.  This is not the way it should be.  Like I said in the beginning, marriage is work.  So work hard and allow each other a few mistakes.