Loving Extended Family

My Wonderful In-Laws... No, really!!! <3

In-laws.  For some of you, that could be the end of this post and you would just nod your head and say "amen"...  But it's not that simple.  It's common to not get along with the in-laws, but not the rule.  How do we become the exception?  First of all, recognize that those people raised this person you fell in love with.  If you love what they created, can they really be all that bad?  (That's just something you can tell yourself.)  That being said, parents can become a big frustration.  But them becoming a frustration is what we want to avoid!  Respect is the key.  It's often the case that someone will come into our lives that we think does not deserve our respect.  If this happens to be one or both of your in-laws, try very hard to find one thing about them that is respectable.  That can be hard, depending upon the individual, but it is possible.

Sometimes they are intrusive.  Can this be helped?  Yes.  As long as there is open communication and boundaries are set.  We need to be honest with each other, and when something arrises that makes one uncomfortable or upset we need to help the other be aware.... Just remember that is must come from a place of love.

Now, I've seen circumstances in which even communication doesn't help because one side is not open to communication (or not willing to accept that their opinions about how someone else's marriage should be operated are not law).  When this is the case, what can you do?  Well, if someone tries to come between you and your spouse, you would cut them out, wouldn't you?  I'm not saying you should cut off your in-laws for just any reason.... but sometime, when, for instance, there is a conflict between in-laws that is beginning to cause serious problems in your marriage, drastic measures are needed.  Two examples from the New Testament come to mind:

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee... 

-Matthew 18:9


and

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 

-Mark 10:7-9

In reference to the first scripture, let's not take advantage here and say "well my mother-in-law said I'm a terrible cook and it hurt my feelings.  Cast her out!"  We're talking about something serious, and it should handled with the utmost care and consideration.

In reference to the second, when we marry we are no longer our parents' child, but our spouse's spouse.  This is the second most important relationship we have in this life, just below our relationship to God.  We must make every effort to have peace in our families so our marriages can thrive.

I love my husband.  And I love my in-laws!  I have a special relationship with them and am forever grateful for the blessings they have brought to my life.  I hope everyone can work at these things and have a feeling of love in their hearts for those who ought to be closest to them.

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy can be a tough one.  What does it mean to be spiritually intimate with your spouse?  Well, those of us who are religious tend to take what we believe seriously.  We live a life that exemplifies our faith, and it only makes sense that we would want someone who is on the same page.  There are marriages, of course, that involve 2 people of different faiths, and perhaps it works out for them in the end.  But there is no denying that spiritual mismatches can cause conflict, sadness, concern, and hurt on one or both sides.  That being said, if you are already in that kind of a situation, it is important that you:

1.  Do not compromise your beliefs.  You do not have to, nor should you, change this big part of yourself to please someone else.

2.  Respect the other's faith.  You married this person.  You knew what they believed and you can't expect that they will change.  If your plan was to marry them, then convert them, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Not that that never happens, but the success rate is nothing to brag about.

For those of us who share one religion or spiritual belief between ourselves and our spouse, that doesn't always  mean you're going to be in sync all the time.  There are many aspects to faith, and what one of you may deem SO important, the other may feel is just a guideline, or a nice idea but not for them.  This is where the intimacy comes in.  Talk to each other.  If your spouse feels strongly about something and you don't feel the same way, discuss what can be done to find a middle ground.... or, if you want to be a hero to your loved one, just do it.  Usually the things that we feel strongly about in religion can only make us better.

Being on the same page creates unity in marriage.  Trying to understand one another is a great way to strengthen that unity and grow closer as a husband and wife.  Spiritual intimacy is such a significant part of a relationship.  If you do not believe all the same things, it doesn't mean you are doomed to fail.... but the fundamentals must be discussed and agreed upon in order for you to succeed.  Know what you believe so you can have peace, and so that when children come along you know what they are going to learn growing up.  That is, a lot of the time, what it comes down to.  We can often deal with our spouse not believing exactly the same way we do, but thinking about our posterity and what they will learn from us can be intense.  We'll talk about that more another time.