First Point

The topic of intimacy is often something that can make us uncomfortable... especially because we immediately think about sex, and that can be awkward.  But because that is one thing that really seems to put a stress on so many marriages (especially new marriages where the couple may still be trying to get in sync), this is what I want to address first.

Sexual intimacy is essential to a properly functioning marriage.  Why?  Sex brings us close.  Closer than we could ever hope to be in any plutonic relationship.  It creates a bond that strengthens our love, and not only that...  IT'S FUN!  And shouldn't we have fun together?  That is how we should perceive sex.  Not just as something we're obligated to do because - especially as women - we feel that sex is all we have to offer, or that our spouse will stop loving us if we don't put out... but it should be something we WANT to do - for ourselves, as well as for our spouse.  We've all read the magazines that talk about the benefits of sex, and it's true!  It can improve our physical and mental health, ward off a cold, or make us feel like we're on top of the world.  Sex is so important.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:

While men are most often the ones to initiate sexual intimacy, women do not as frequently feel like this is the most important thing.  We want to feel loved and appreciated as a woman and we want to feel sexy, but we don't always want to jump right into bed.  A man tends to feel loved when sex is involved.  What about women?  We are more emotionally stimulated.  We are all about quality time, conversation, and acts of service (Check out The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman).  Sure we enjoy a good romp, but we don't always value it the way a man does.  It is important to us that our husbands show us how much they appreciate us on an emotional level and make sure to cater to our emotions, but girls - the same applies to us when it comes to sex.  We may not feel the same carnal need that men do, but we love them and we want them to be happy and satisfied.  So this is a challenge I issue for the week:  Help your spouse feel loved and appreciated, in whatever way they deem most valuable.  Think 100% about the other - That is the most important lesson in marriage.  It is not a 50/50 thing.  If you both give 100%, you can and will BOTH be happy.