Trials

We all struggle with things,big and small.  The nice thing is that when you get married you have someone to share the burden with.  For instance, *preparing to share something personal*, Steven and I have been struggling while trying to have a baby.  We don't know why it isn't working, but my body just doesn't want to cooperate.  I find myself being really low and miserable at least once a month (usually when I start my period) and I cry a lot because "I don't know what's taking so long!", "I'm never gonna be a mom!", or "I can't give Steven a baby!".  I don't like to let Steven in on how much I'm hurting, but occasionally he'll see it or sense something.  In those moments, when he hugs me, talks to me, and just lets me cry, I feel so much closer to him! I feel like we're sharing the burden and I'm no longer on my own.

Helping each other to shoulder the load is a fantastic way to strengthen emotional intimacy.  The doors are open to discussion and we know we have someone to talk to and release the pressure of our trials.  Just because we tell each other our problems doesn't mean they're going to go away, but suddenly it doesn't weigh as much.  Talk about things that bother you at work or at school or with your friends.  Talk about having a hard time perfecting a talent.  Talk about anything that you're struggling with and then let your loved one comfort you.  It's hard, sometimes, to let others in on the fact that not everything comes easily to you.  We have pride and we don't always like to tell people that we're sad, but we should.  Nobody should be alone in their trials, and that is another reason God gave us marriage.

Kind Words

Today, Joyce (the 80-something year old woman we're living with) informed me that Larry (her 70-something year old husband) has never complimented her cooking.  This made me sad.  I didn't know if I was going to post anything today because nothing had come up.... but here it is.

I'm going to talk a lot about these people because they really are beginning to leave an impression.  Married for 50 years and not once has he complimented her cooking?  This is something she takes pride in and loves to do, or used to, and now she doesn't care to try.  This is something we can all learn from.

Kind words between spouses are so important because it lets our loved one know they are appreciated and respected.  We all have something we're proud of and there's nobody who's support and compliments are more important than those of our spouse.  Marriage is a tiny little support group that has a huge effect and we ought to make an effort to, once again, be aware of each others' feelings.

Media and Marriage

How are we affected in our relationships by the media?  Not about when we see representations of how it "ought to be", but I mean simply the time these things take up in our lives.

How many hours a day are you on the computer or watching TV?  Or both simultaneously??  You could think to yourself (and I'm certainly guilty of this), "We spend time together every day!  We love to watch movies and TV shows together."  I could do that with my worst enemy.  All you have to do is sit there and stare.  You're focused on the same thing, but it's not each other.

I found this online.  (Are they watching the Food Network?)

I love television.  And I love the internet!  (Hello!  I'm a blogger!)  But "all good things in moderation".  Over the last week, Steven and I have limited our TV and internet time to what is, for us, a major improvement.  (This was actually a happy accident brought on by living with old people and the disappointment of losing about 20 inches off the screen size we're used to.)  The TV used to be on all day every day... except Sundays.  And now we have some peace and quiet, and, more importantly, time for each other.  We have found other ways to spend our time!  If you will limit your hours of media a day, I promise it will make a difference in the intimacy levels in your marriage.  And not only between you two, but the emotional intimacy among your whole household!!!

As far as how this could relate to the bedroom, did you know that couples with a television in their room have sex 50% less frequently than those who keep it in the living room?  Wow.  Steven and I learned that early in our marriage and have vowed to NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER have a TV in our bedroom.  I can't imagine that many people find a movie more enticing than physical intimacy with their spouse, and I bet even fewer know about this statistic.  So spread the word!

P.S.  TV is awesome and I would never say cut it out entirely.  That's personal preference.

Loving Extended Family

My Wonderful In-Laws... No, really!!! <3

In-laws.  For some of you, that could be the end of this post and you would just nod your head and say "amen"...  But it's not that simple.  It's common to not get along with the in-laws, but not the rule.  How do we become the exception?  First of all, recognize that those people raised this person you fell in love with.  If you love what they created, can they really be all that bad?  (That's just something you can tell yourself.)  That being said, parents can become a big frustration.  But them becoming a frustration is what we want to avoid!  Respect is the key.  It's often the case that someone will come into our lives that we think does not deserve our respect.  If this happens to be one or both of your in-laws, try very hard to find one thing about them that is respectable.  That can be hard, depending upon the individual, but it is possible.

Sometimes they are intrusive.  Can this be helped?  Yes.  As long as there is open communication and boundaries are set.  We need to be honest with each other, and when something arrises that makes one uncomfortable or upset we need to help the other be aware.... Just remember that is must come from a place of love.

Now, I've seen circumstances in which even communication doesn't help because one side is not open to communication (or not willing to accept that their opinions about how someone else's marriage should be operated are not law).  When this is the case, what can you do?  Well, if someone tries to come between you and your spouse, you would cut them out, wouldn't you?  I'm not saying you should cut off your in-laws for just any reason.... but sometime, when, for instance, there is a conflict between in-laws that is beginning to cause serious problems in your marriage, drastic measures are needed.  Two examples from the New Testament come to mind:

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee... 

-Matthew 18:9


and

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 

-Mark 10:7-9

In reference to the first scripture, let's not take advantage here and say "well my mother-in-law said I'm a terrible cook and it hurt my feelings.  Cast her out!"  We're talking about something serious, and it should handled with the utmost care and consideration.

In reference to the second, when we marry we are no longer our parents' child, but our spouse's spouse.  This is the second most important relationship we have in this life, just below our relationship to God.  We must make every effort to have peace in our families so our marriages can thrive.

I love my husband.  And I love my in-laws!  I have a special relationship with them and am forever grateful for the blessings they have brought to my life.  I hope everyone can work at these things and have a feeling of love in their hearts for those who ought to be closest to them.